Delhi DNA:

A few days ago, My ex-Delhite and a current Mumbaite friend and I went to our favourite watering hole – TC. He’s now taken to calling Delhi ‘your city’ after spending more than 2 decades here, much to my chagrin. But anyway…..that’s not the story here.

It was a non-media / party day and we arrived at a time when mostly non-working or oldies like us visit a pub. Not surprisingly, there were only 3 groups of people sitting close by and the music was relatively low. Good music and a little tipple in the belly had loosened inhibitions - enough for all the people in the various groups to talk a tad loudly for me to overhear snippets of conversations.

Group1: 2 guys in their mid 20s, from a very middle class background and wearing regular striped shirts and loose trousers, talked only in Hindi. They seemed to have reached a fairly decent income level – enough for them to get ready for marriage. Bits of talks suggested that one had ‘seen’ one girl for shaadi and were discussing her and ‘characters’ of girls in office in general.

Guy1: Calling the waiter – Arre kapda maar de!
Waiter: We don’t do like that here.
Guy1: Jo bhi, table saaf kar de.
Waiter: Cleans
Guy1: Tandoori nahin hain?
Waiter: No.
Guy1: Kya yaar, humlog yahan aaye the sochkar ke tandoori milega. (It always has to be Tandoori!)
Guy2: Thik hain, phir chilli chicken de de! (And why only Chilli chicken as a substitute?)

Group2: 2 guys in their late 30s or early 40s, moneyed and confident and expensively dressed.

Guy1: MC, BC, Ch*^&^……(and strings of abuses)…..and then Shiela Dixit, ?? Fernandes and (some body apparently big) had come to inaugurate my show…(and so the name dropping game start!)

Group3: 3 girls in their early 20s probably in their first job, had come down to check the pub scenario. They were sitting closely and sipping mocktails and very naturally talking and giggling about office, the guys in the office and who said what. They reminded me of my giggly new work life days! But 20-somethings in a pub meant for 25 years and above and Only girls??!! Delhi sure is changing.

As the night grew, people also started streaming in and the music got better and louder. We looked around; not an oldie in sight. A cool hangout place for the 30-somethings with great rock music had suddenly converted into a haven for the post-teens. When another drove of barely mustached boys walked in, we decided it was time to leave. Certain mindsets like tandoori chicken and name dropping will never change in Delhi. But we could not bear to hear the good old Rock change to a Pussycat dolls number in our favourite joint. So we left and let the young Delhites to redefine the city and its watering holes.

Loo-natics!

Thank god for the many McDonalds that are scattered all over the city….we don’t have to go hunting for restaurants and ask discreetly about ‘washrooms’ without availing any of the other services there.

Very recently I dragged my friend up to a McD’s loo and stood waiting outside patiently.
Seconds turned to minutes and then many more minutes but still the door meant for the ladies didn’t open. Yes, women do take longer, but this was strange. After waiting for some 10-15 minutes, lo and behold, the door opened and out trooped 3 boys, 1 girl and one aunty in tow!!! All the 4 kids were in the age group of 9 to 10 years which meant that nobody needed guidance or instructions….so what was this really??

Do these kids, (who now-a-days are developing early and are aware of their sexuality) really need this kind of ‘help’ from their guardians? Did that aunty really think that it’s okay to make it a community act? Or maybe the aunty and others of her kind love to watch the young ones and then make them watch her?

The Nithari case might be in the extremes but with these kinds of strange adults around, I think every house has a little Nithari in the making.

Defining 'abnormal'.

I would like to start with an intro or a preamble…but there is no point in beating about the bush….so I’ll come directly to the point. I hate kids. Okay, so I don’t Hate them…I just don’t care about them, I cant stand them! All I can manage when I meet my friends’ kids is a weak hello and that’s about it. Consider this…

I had gone to a friend’s place in Dehradun. Her son is 3-4 years old, loves milk and just sits around watching Cartoon Network the whole day (my friend is of the opinion that sitting in front of the TV is much better than him running amok in the house). One day it started to drizzle and being the bad Masi, I told him to go and play in the rain. He stood there trying to get wet but when that didn’t happen; he peed on this hand and put it on his head. Not only that he then spit into his hand repeating the process. I stood watching horribly fascinated at his antics but after that day, refused to hold his hand!

There are 2 kids living next to my flat. I am in perpetual terror when I step outside on the verandah to breathe some air. Whenever they see me, they will jump and smile and call me ‘bua’. If they are alone, then I quickly slink away but when their dadi is there, I have to pretend to entertain them and wave and make funny faces! Ohh…am a prisoner in my own house!!

Some of my friends tell me benevolently….”ohhh you’ll develop your maternal instincts and everything will change then.” Maternal Instincts?? I don’t think that if a woman who is fast going to the wrong side of The Thirties does not have any maternal instincts, then she will never have any. And, so I heartily accept…I am a Freak!!

And you know how God has punished me for this…..all kids love me!! I don’t know why, but even my Mom laughs about it!!